It is that moment before you wake when your eyes are still closed and you know you are still here. You don’t remember what you have been through or what you have lost. It is a time of peace and the stillness around you comforts and provides a sense of inner light. Then you open your eyes and the world comes flushing in. It is hard to keep the past, the pain, and trauma from overwhelming you. You sit up and start crying…crying for what…from fear..from loss…from feeling so utterly alone and helpless…hopeless. Then what do you do….you have a choice to make at that point. This is not something that you have to decide right away either. Personally, I think it is important to mourn and feel what you have been through and lost in order to get through it in one piece.
We have been told more then enough times to just fake it or just suck it up and move past it. In order to move past something, you need to feel it and then get rid of it for good…or it will eat you alive. People around you have lots of opinions on what you should do with your life, who you should be with, what you should be doing….but they are not you…you are you and only you can decide what will heal you and what will bring you happiness. How many times have you been told to just calm down or ignore things or heck just be a good little girl and don’t push the envelope. You should learn how to color in the lines! You need to stop playing outside of the box! My answer to those has been HELL… I am Italian..lol. But the reality is that if you do not feel then YOU DO NOT FEEL. Not in my life and honestly, I do not even think and empath could do that if they wanted.
It is funny to me now when I hear people say…yeah but you are strong…you are smart…you are this or that…I never saw myself as any of those things. I knew I had an impact on other people and animals yes….and that made me feel alive but I never saw the things other people see in myself. We all have greatness and beauty in our souls. Everyone can love and everyone can choose to feel and open their eyes and hearts if they want to. You just have to want to. There are more then enough people in our lives that DO NOT DO THAT…they choose to see the ugly and the dark when others try so damn hard to see the light. I will tell you this today…my eyes are wide open and I will keep questioning and living the way I choose to live…not the way others think I should live. There may be a small group of people that understand what I just wrote and that is okay also…you are my Tribe 😊 Love and Light!