Reflection on Rainy Day!

Updated: Mar 29

Everyone wants to have people in their lives that unconditionally Love them. It sounds like a “no brainer” …silly everyone has that in their lives, don’t they? The sad thing is that everyone does not have that! Most people that have huge empathic compassionate hearts search for it their entire lives and some never find it. People think parents have to feel that way about their kids and I have seen enough in my life to know that is not true. Spouses have to unconditionally Love each other…again not even close to being true. How many people do you know that are divorced? How many people are even friends or speak to each other after they get divorced? Did they ever unconditionally Love their spouse? In many cases, the answer is no. In many cases, one person tries to Love enough for both people and gets burnt out eventually. When you help people like I do that have been impacted by illness in some way you see many things. You can see Love from all angles converge to help someone heal. I have seen miracles and things that made my very soul smile. I have also seen people run away and do the opposite leaving the person with the illness in a very bad place fighting to heal without the Love they need.

Throughout this blog, I have posted pictures of my family...very special people that made me who I am today because of the Love they gave me.

What is Love really? Love is a feeling of safety, kindness, security, hope, and comfort. Love is conveyed in actions and words. Words that make a person feel special and wanted…make a person feel Loved. Words that make a person feel “less” or “broken” do NOT make a person feel Loved. You would think these are obvious but to people living every day in situations where they feel lonely and sad, it is not. One nugget of wisdom I can pass on here is that you cannot change a person that uses actions and words to make you feel like you do not matter. People like that do not change but if you are lucky enough to get away from that person, they will go on to target another unsuspecting person. A concept in itself that is heartbreaking.

Lately, my heart just hurts and I do not know how to stop it. I thank God I am an herbalist and a Holistic practitioner because I am able to make and do things that help me feel better about the world. But they do not take away my past and what I see every day. They do help me feel better about the future and I thank God for that. I can’t fix greed or jealously or Hell just plain Evil in anyone. It sickens me and I do not understand how people can be that way. I also know finally that I cannot fix it either. I am definitely a person that has been impacted by a higher power “God or whatever you call that power”. Yet I find it so hard to just let go of trying to help and fix everything around me…and just “give it to God”. What does that even mean? God made me who I am and gave me the skills that I have…and the heart that I have…so am I not supposed to do my best to fix everything when I know I can make a difference? This is a hard struggle that most people like me find themselves in often. If you try to fix everything all the time you will literally dig your own hole….which I have done many times. I think the Italian in me is just too stubborn to stay down lol. I also do not like being told things I do not agree with. Again God gave me a brain so I often use it to make my own decisions and I have every intention of continuing to live that way.

I have been lucky enough to have Love in my life from my family and friends. OMG and of course I Love my pets and they Love me! I have also been blessed to see what Love is growing up with my Parents, Grandparents, Uncles, Aunts, Godparents and Cousins. Were they perfect…LOL…have you met my crazy Italian family? I am sure you heard my Dad yelling “talking very loudly” from NY at one point carried in the wind 1000 miles away 😊 Nobody is perfect but as you grow up you realize how lucky you were to have them. I just smile when I think about family gatherings as a young kid or going fishing with my cousins. We used to count how many times and ways my grandfather fell off our boat and into the water...yes he was fine...yelling but fine. I always knew how lucky I was to have grown up in the same house as my Grandparents and to have all my extended family live within minutes of my house. I wish my kids, nieces and nephew had the same but they still spent a great deal of time with their extended family so they had that feeling of Love I describe above. I have never seen anyone in my family wish harm upon anyone, speak poorly about anyone, show jealously or greed, or spew hateful words. Are they loud and nuts and have selective hearing…well that would be a yes! Heck on my 16th birthday when I got my driver’s license, my Dad sent me to Baskin Robbins to buy him a Jim Dandy! I made a great deal of money buying my Dad ice cream sundaes because I was able to keep the change. I will never forget trying to tell my father that he needed to change his diet after I obtained my first Holistic Nutrition degree…his response was “ I am not going to eat seaweed!” By the way, I never told anyone in my life to eat seaweed although it is good for you lol. I have to say that he did listen to me when it came to vitamins and minerals…which was huge in itself. He even used my tinctures and formulas in the last couple of years 😊 My COPD and Sleep formulas were developed initially for my Dad.

My father is now literally fighting for his life and I find myself in a place where I cannot do much to help. I do not know how to function that way. My sister does not know how to function that way. Our kids do not know how to function that way. My Dad is now in the hands of God and I just hope that he helps my family. It is horrific to see a person that was always so strong be so frail and sick. My larger-than-life Dad is not so large anymore. It is beyond words. I have helped tons of people that were extremely sick get better and now I have to sit and watch. I am not a good watcher….I am a fixer…and this is just horrible. We all deserve to be unconditionally Loved and that is what I have with my Dad. I know many of my friends have lost their parents or their parents are very sick right now so they know exactly how I feel. The very idea that we could lose that Love is just indescribable. My parents have been together almost 60 years...can you imagine living with the same person for 60 years...that is Love! And if you saw how hard my mother was fighting to help my father get well you would break down in tears. Again that is Love.

I have lost many people and pets in the last few months that gave me that Love that I needed. I know they are still with me because I have their strength and feel them in my heart and even hear their words when I try to do something. People that truly Love you have the most impact on your life and make you into the person you are today. They make you feel like you matter even when they are no longer with us. I know I am a person of strength and guidance for many other people including my kids and even my parents right now….and I learned how to be that way from all the people in my life that took the time to truly Love me. Most people do not realize what a gift it is to be alive and healthy. They do not realize how fast things can change either. They do not realize what an impact they can have on others by just Loving them. I want to say a special Thank you to my Dad because He Is My Dad and I Love Him!

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